Teen Gothic

(This is a full on rant, I'm very sorry).

Social media can be wonderful. It's a way to find new hobbies and interests, communities of like minded individuals, and events people like you can attend. It's an excellent place for baby bats to start discovering bits of goth. But…

…Maybe I'm just a salty old woman yelling at a cloud, but I feel there has to be a modicum of gate keeping or boundary setting when it comes to any subculture to differentiate it from the "mainstream". I'm not talking about rigorous policing or being mean to others, but simple things like "you cannot be goth if you don't listen to the music (in any gothic genre), or you're not interested in media like films or books". I'll not include fashion as a hard and fast rule because there are so many gothic styles, and depending on your current life situation it may not be appropriate or safe to dress in certain ways, but it'd be like claiming to be a metalhead without listening to any metal, and wearing a Metallica T shirt because you unironically think it's a brand. Saying you're goth doesn't make you goth.
Living in the age of "big titty goth g f uwu", fast fashion "goth brands" like Killstar, and the co-opting of any and all alternative subculture styles by teens on tiktok, who will do anything to stand out but at the same time know jack shit about any of it is infuriating. Yes the fashion industry slips into a 'lil goth every now and then (just means good finds in the sales lol), but it knows exactly what it's doing and it's two faced about it.

I have personally known on separate occasions two young people who have both been abhorrent, raised by the internet types who have done nothing but very literally, and incredibly embarrassingly, shout about how goth they are in public, whilst neither of them listen to, know of, or dress anything anywhere near anything goth. Mainstream Gen Z goth (what) seems to be incredibly watered down and completely fashion or fetish based in order to get attention. It's all to stand out on the net to get their account noticed, then they ditch the entire thing when they actually leave the house. (Of course this isn't everyone, and I have met some lovely young, genuine goth kids). It's especially upsetting being a woman and now being the object of fetishization AGAIN because of the Big Titty Gf thing.

You might be sat there thinking "she's saying all this, but I bet she was the same when she was younger" but the thing is, I've never, ever called myself goth, nor have I ever tried to fit in with it. I've always liked what I've liked and dressed how I wanted and it's ended up with being goth. When I talk about a band, film, book, location etc. I know what I'm talking about, it's not for show. Goth mates both older and younger than me are the same. No one goes around proclaiming to be goth in public, they just are.

Maybe it's just be being a big old salt stick, but just saying you are something doesn't make you something. I'm not "invalidating your existence" or "being a hater", if you are pretending to be goth for attention online and it's obvious to anyone who knows their stuff. Because any and all criticism is shot down, absolutely anything is goth in some circles and the problem is, when everything is goth, nothing is.

https://youtu.be/sZs0VDI-CxM

This isn't a story of hate, but one of love and growth.

I am 39 years old, and first came across all things goth when I was 18. My friends and I wanted to go to our local club on a non-typical night for us. We knew it was goth night and that we probably wouldn't fit in, but we were high and bored.

I don't know what I expected, but walking in those doors…it was love at first note. I was floored. This hauntingly beautiful music exists? I needed more, I needed…everything.

Proceed with going full on goth and having some amazing times and memories with it.

Many years later, I've gotten old-ish. I don't listen to the music as much, and I certainly don't dress the part. There's just so little occasion to do so.

But I felt like I was still goth in my heart.

And then I had an awaking, a late blooming of finally accepting I am a woman of transgender experience.

With that came hormones, and many MANY mental changes. I'm not bisexual anymore, just flat lesbian. I actually like some Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift music now. I like butterflies, and pink and purple. I can be colorful and bright and cheery and I see a world full of hope and love.

However…I went through my old music. All the goth music I have collected over my life. And it just doesn't hit me any more. That urge to dance is gone. I know the music is still beautiful, but I can't feel it anymore. The impact is no more.

I knew changes would come with the hormones and lifestyle alterations, but this is a sad one.

I've tried, again and again, to feel that depth to the music that I once felt. But almost none of the songs touch my heart anymore. Maybe a couple, but not enough that I feel like even if I were young again that I could step into a club and find the peace I once did.

So, it with a heavy heart that I feel it's time to say goodbye. Not out of hatred or disgust, but out of love for the times we shared. You helped me in my darkest times, but now I walk a different path.

I could have just unsubbed from here and moved on, but…it felt wrong. I'm not just unsubbing, or leaving the music and scene behind. I'm writing a love letter…and a break-up letter.

Thank you for being one of the best things in my life.

Goodbye. I hope someone else finds you as beautiful as I once did.

Ive always been huge on the sisters of mercy tbh or london after midnight…